The owl’s message

A huge magnificent building stands in front of me. It is as old as time and as tall as the moon.

The hooting of the trafficking owls from the post office is echoing up and down the street.

A large but beautiful signpost sits at the front of the post office, it is shaped like a letter, a little run-down along the edges but nothing that a little magic can’t fix.

Bared windows below, are framed with gold. It looks so pure it could have fallen from the sky as a goose’s golden egg.

The old bricks which form the store are talkative. Some are happy, some curious and some sad. They sometimes wiggle around a little when they find themselves to be uncomfortable.

At the tippy-top of the post office is a bell. It looks like it is heavier than an elephant and dirtier than dirt itself. The cone-shaped roof is pushed down by the huge weight of the bell and sometimes even shivers when it rings.

I glance inside, it is gigantic! The roof is filled to the brim with paper, lots and lots of paper.

The inner wooden structure basically spells out the word “old”. The wood is framing a beautiful burgundy wallpaper. In the centre of the wallpaper are golden narcissus flowers. This beautiful architecture is as majestic as it can get.

Spilling from the roof are more letters. They can talk too? Some of them are yelling while floating in mid-air. How magnificent!

The fountain stands tall as a giraffe in the centre of the room. Instead of pouring water out of her soul like a normal muggle fountain, she is pouring out words. She sings loud tunes to passing people but sometimes stars a fight with them. She is very opinionated.

As I look above the fountain I notice that there are big portraits on all eight walls. They are alive? They are photos of funny-looking creatures. I believe that they are called goblins.

They look older than the post office, shorter than a child and angrier than, well, anything. Their long roman noses are the thing that shapes their face.

Behind the front desk stands a goblin, he wears an old fashion suit. It is similar to all the other little workers around the room. He also carries a huge necklace looped with dozens of keys. It looks way too heavy for this grumpy goblin to handle.

Behind the goblin, I can see heaps of transparent tubes. Every tube leads to a different room. They seem so organised.

The movement of a letter rushing through a tube catches my eye. I then look up to see owl dropping the letters off. What a splendid system.

As I leave the store 2 goblins along with their pet owls say their farewells to me while handing me a goody bag of enchanted paper and marvellous quilts.

2 Comments

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Hi Romy,

Here is some feedback.

Be careful about repeating words throughout your piece. There are a few times were this is happening and it disrupts the flow of your piece.
There are some moments where the detail you are describing becomes unclear. Try reading your work out loud so that you can catch this.
Don’t forget to engage the 5 senses to create an experience that your reader can live.

Good work.

Mr Johnson

Hi Romy,

You have gone a little overboard on the paragraphing. There are a few times where you have broken up paragraphs that didn’t need to be.
Watch out for empty adjectives. They are popping up in your piece.
There are moments where your description becomes a little unclear. Read your work out loud to help catch those times.

Mr Johnson

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